Legal Language Enthusiast Gifts

'For legalese, press three...'

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

Wal-Mart Ruling

"We've also been given ten top employment law tips."

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

"He'll only talk when his lawyer's present."

Violent Crime Statistics

Lady Justice.

"My parents are going to pay for my education but I'm on my own for any attorney's fees."

"Don't even think about it! I am the property of the English Monarch!"

"...Any more of that fowl language and you're barred!"

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

Ian McWit, Attorney at Law, Body by Joe's Gym, Mind by Harvard.

Lawyer's baby first word: whiplash!

'I thought he was joking. I didn't think my husband would really turn me in to the FDA!'

'Hello. My father is an attorney. This is how I allegedly spent my summer vacation.'

'You were convicted by the jury, but at least you were acquitted by the media.'

"Impartiality becomes you."

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

'You use Romance Languages when wooing your beloved and Hate Languages during the prenup process.'

'If crime doesn't pay, how come there're so many criminal lawyers?'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

'I don't believe in pressuring my children. When the time is right, they'll arrive at the default choice and go to law school.'

Baby's first words.

"We, the jury, award the plaintiffs 100 trillion dollars - just because."

"To be honest, I'm not sure if you marking your territory is legally binding in a boundary claim dispute."

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'