Legal Terminology Gifts

'Read the fine print, kid. This is a pro-bono case.'

"Legal supplies? That would be aisle nine, article six, subsection G."

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"Bailiff."

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

"They're class action figures."

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

The Birth of a Lawsuit

Lawyer's baby first word: whiplash!

"You can't quit my bridal fashion business. It says so in the prenup, I man the non-compete agreement!"

'You use Romance Languages when wooing your beloved and Hate Languages during the prenup process.'

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

"It's my attorney. Have you seen my list of things about you that drive me crazy?"

"Right so that's agreed, we can say 'Happy Festive Season' as long as we add the caveat that we are in no way liable for any lack of 'happiness' or a surfeit of 'misery'!"

'So I said 'You must be frackin' joking!''

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

'Slap me and I'll see you in court.'

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

"In a surprising turn of events, the end testifies against the means."

Attorney and killer bee.

"You misread the terms of your employment. Your probation period is 6 years, not 6 months."

'You have an over reactive gagging reflex.'

'Send this back to the legal department. I think they could make it much more complicated than this...'

'I wasn't expecting this when they said they wanted to settle out of court!!'

'Well yes, we lost, but you asked me if I was a Legal Eagle, not if I was a good lawyer...'

"I wish I had done more pro bono work. I need the tax write offs."

Lawyers Ridin' The Range: 'Happy trials to you, until we meet again!'

Attorney Punching Bag

Night Court

'What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer? A tick falls off you when you're dead.'

Childhood can be tough when your dad is a lawyer...

'If you dislike the term divorce that much, then just think of it as downsizing the time you spend together.'