Legal Terminology Gifts

'Read the fine print, kid. This is a pro-bono case.'

"Legal supplies? That would be aisle nine, article six, subsection G."

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"Bailiff."

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

"They're class action figures."

Lawyer's baby first word: whiplash!

'You use Romance Languages when wooing your beloved and Hate Languages during the prenup process.'

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

"You can't quit my bridal fashion business. It says so in the prenup, I man the non-compete agreement!"

"It's my attorney. Have you seen my list of things about you that drive me crazy?"

Attorney and killer bee.

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

'You have an over reactive gagging reflex.'

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

"In a surprising turn of events, the end testifies against the means."

"Right so that's agreed, we can say 'Happy Festive Season' as long as we add the caveat that we are in no way liable for any lack of 'happiness' or a surfeit of 'misery'!"

"You misread the terms of your employment. Your probation period is 6 years, not 6 months."

'So I said 'You must be frackin' joking!''

'Slap me and I'll see you in court.'

'Send this back to the legal department. I think they could make it much more complicated than this...'

'I wasn't expecting this when they said they wanted to settle out of court!!'

'Well yes, we lost, but you asked me if I was a Legal Eagle, not if I was a good lawyer...'

"I wish I had done more pro bono work. I need the tax write offs."

Childhood can be tough when your dad is a lawyer...

'What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer? A tick falls off you when you're dead.'

Attorney Punching Bag

Night Court

'If you dislike the term divorce that much, then just think of it as downsizing the time you spend together.'

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'