Legal Jargon Gifts

'Can you rewrite this contract? There's actually a section in here that people can understand?'

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

Bee to bee: 'We used buzzwords before they were trendy.'

Lawyer's baby first word: whiplash!

'You use Romance Languages when wooing your beloved and Hate Languages during the prenup process.'

"You can't quit my bridal fashion business. It says so in the prenup, I man the non-compete agreement!"

'Worst case of buzzword overdose I've ever seen!'

"Right so that's agreed, we can say 'Happy Festive Season' as long as we add the caveat that we are in no way liable for any lack of 'happiness' or a surfeit of 'misery'!"

'You have an over reactive gagging reflex.'

'So I said 'You must be frackin' joking!''

"You misread the terms of your employment. Your probation period is 6 years, not 6 months."

'Send this back to the legal department. I think they could make it much more complicated than this...'

Lawyers Ridin' The Range: 'Happy trials to you, until we meet again!'

"Am I the party of the first part or the party of the second part?"

"Isn't it true, Mr. Sheppard, that you are, in fact, the 'party of the first part'?"

Could you be a little bit more specific than an 'arm and a leg'?

Childhood can be tough when your dad is a lawyer...

'He spoke in millions...then I found out he was a bacteriologist.'

"Boss, I didn't understand your memo. It reads 'W.U.W.T.M.S.A.' What does that mean?"

"Their lawyer found out that I enjoy reading poetry, and that I also like to watch professional wrestling. They're calling it a conflict of interests."

'It wasn't so much armed robbery as my client converting the owner's assets from sole proprietorship to a mutual fund.'

NYer uploaded by mod - Pistachio Terminology 2022

Judge has work boxes labeled Sustained and Overruled.

After Mr and Mrs Tooth and Nail you've got the Hammer and Tongs.

I protest the fact that the district attorney is speaking in a foreign language I can't understand, your honor. A foreign language? Legalese.

'Your uncle left everything to Charity... So far we haven't been able to locate her.'

"Oh, here's the problem. He's got a doohickey on his thingamabob."

"Yes, Peters, it is just legalese. It's all just legalese. We're a law firm."

"Quick! Get down to legal! The boilerplate has sprung a leak."

'So it's agreed, party of the first part is to give the party of the second part ...'

'I think you're supposed to be the Executor of Estate.'