Legal Prints

"It's for you - it's my lawyer."

"You've been charged with driving under the influence of testosterone."

'For those with particularly ungrateful children,the inheritance tax can be a comfort.'

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

Lawyer to client: 'Your slip and fall on ice would have more credibility if you weren't drinking ice tea at the time ... at South Beach.'

'I'm a personal injury attorney. I'll listen.

'Look, we don't want any trouble! All we ask is that you sign this release form in case you get hurt while you burglarize our house.'

Jimmy says you're a poopyhead. Do you have a rebuttal?

"They said their contract was too complicated..."

Automatic Arbitration

'Twenty years? -- is there anything I can do for extra credit?'

'No, I really don't know how much I'm worth - but I'm sure my wife's divorce lawyer does.'

'These emergency numbers are all for lawyers!'

'What would you charge me to answer one question?' 'What's your second question?'

"You should feel honoured. I don't sue anyone."

"How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?"

"It's my attorney. Have you seen my list of things about you that drive me crazy?"

'To prevent fraud, we like to verify whiplash injury claims!'

Walter P. Bernbeam: Fornicator - Wastrel - Lush

'Well yes, we lost, but you asked me if I was a Legal Eagle, not if I was a good lawyer...'

'You knew I was a lawyer when you hired me.'

'My client will give up the castle, as long as it is not an admission of defeat.'

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

"We've found reasons to appeal. It appears you still have some money left"

The contract culture

7 days to pay legal fees please help

"The conditions of this parole are tough. Based on this, I would be afraid to even have bad cholesterol."

'My lawyer recommended posting the sign after the Dumpty incident.'

'To be fair, I didn't say I was good, I said I was expensive.'

Hey get this - Ralph here was a lawyer!

A difficult position.

"I bill four hundred dollars an hour and I don't believe you'd be comfortable paying anything less."

'The glass is half-full divorce lawyers, , , The glass is empty bankruptcy attorneys,'

"I wish I had done more pro bono work. I need the tax write offs."

Lawyers Ridin' The Range: 'Happy trials to you, until we meet again!'