Legal Work Gifts

"Melanie, find me a little pro-bono case to cleanse my palate."

Jenkins here has been with the firm the longest,

Everyone smile and say FEES

When he was between Executive Assistants, filing became a challenge for Jonathan.

A lawyer returns unexpectedly from vacation.

I'm rushing through your case file.

'Son, it's not whether you win or lose, it's what you bill per hour.'

"I don't like hearing the phrase 'You get what you pay for' when it comes from our pro bono lawyer."

Divorce Lawyer - "I have a SPLITTING headache."

"Wait a minute! What parts and labor?"

'Hello, Haratty, Pearson and Smythe, messy divorce specialists!'

'You do all the pro bono work, and I'll do the anti bono, okay?'

My client is claiming that you have discriminated against him as a species, that your refusal to let him sniff client's bottoms is against his canine rights and that your policies have acted against him reaching partnership.

'I don't care how much you interfaced, interacted, coordinated, arranged, or organized in the past. Just tell me how many prenups you've worked on.'

Law firm door reading 'No pain no gain law firm'.

"Walter? Tim here. Right. . . yeah. . . we got your settlement offer and I'm putting together our response right now."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

The Circular Logic of Fascism

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

Cat and dog at a will reading.

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"Hey, I just figured out how to sue the school for loss of my prime childbearing years."

Barristers

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief