Legal Activities Gifts

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

Trial by Media

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"Bailiff."

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

"They're class action figures."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

"And I put it to you Mr. MacDonald, that on the morning of December 3rd, you had cold hands whilst attaching a milking machine to my client's udder!"

Sue The Bastards

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

"There's no need for your kitty to be envious. After state and federal taxes and legal administrative fees, Chessy's share of Aunt Martha's estate came to hardly anything."

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

"Manafort's was the best flip yet."

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

My client is claiming that you have discriminated against him as a species, that your refusal to let him sniff client's bottoms is against his canine rights and that your policies have acted against him reaching partnership.

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

"The law is an ass...employment law, however, is an asset."