Legal Services Gifts

"Listen. It's at the quiet moments like this that you can actually hear the meter running."

Lawyer-Assisted Suicide

'Our first plan of action is to figure out how you can pay my fee.'

"Penny for your thoughts? I'm a solicitor, it'll cost you five hundred!"

"There's no free legal advice. That's just our way of weeding out the time wasters."

"I could tell you all the secrets to my success as an attorney, but then I'd have to bill you"

'Do you want my $100 guess, my $300 surmise... or my $500 supposition?'

"Our lawyer is charging us for opening up his invoice."

Ambulance service. Law office

"If you want me to use you more, maybe change the way you charge?"

'What'll it be?'

Harcourt Bubarry - Country lawyer, city prices

"The advice was free. But the office visit was a hundred bucks an hour."

I like Jenkins' can-sue attitude!

Man being offered various law related products in street by 'sales people'

Eggerton & Peppo - Specializing in Amicable Divorces and Children's Birthday Parties

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

Campaign for Plain English

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'You think I'm crazy; I think you're crazy...finally some common ground!'

"If you really want independence, you should get into contract law."

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

Cat and dog at a will reading.

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."