Legal Services Gifts

"Listen. It's at the quiet moments like this that you can actually hear the meter running."

Lawyer-Assisted Suicide

'Our first plan of action is to figure out how you can pay my fee.'

"Penny for your thoughts? I'm a solicitor, it'll cost you five hundred!"

"There's no free legal advice. That's just our way of weeding out the time wasters."

"I could tell you all the secrets to my success as an attorney, but then I'd have to bill you"

'In light of your financial situation, I've decided to take on your case anti-bono.'

'Do you want my $100 guess, my $300 surmise... or my $500 supposition?'

"Our lawyer is charging us for opening up his invoice."

Ambulance service. Law office

"If you want me to use you more, maybe change the way you charge?"

'What'll it be?'

Harcourt Bubarry - Country lawyer, city prices

"The advice was free. But the office visit was a hundred bucks an hour."

I like Jenkins' can-sue attitude!

Man being offered various law related products in street by 'sales people'

Eggerton & Peppo - Specializing in Amicable Divorces and Children's Birthday Parties

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

Campaign for Plain English

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'You think I'm crazy; I think you're crazy...finally some common ground!'

The Circular Logic of Fascism

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

"If you really want independence, you should get into contract law."

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."