Legal Assistance Gifts

'Here's where we went wrong - you applied for chapter 11, but you only qualify for chapter 6!'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

"If you really want independence, you should get into contract law."

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"That's a Hula Hoop. I asked you to find a loophole."

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

"We've also been given ten top employment law tips."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

Lady Justice and Confidential Files

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

'And after I'm through, our staff attorney will drop by to assist you with all the pre-nuptial agreement documents!'

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

'What'll it be?'

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"Never mind Benjamin – he just lawyers-up to get attention."

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

Pillaging, formerly Acquisitions Department

'Does the Fifth Amendment apply to report cards?'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."