Legal Aid Gifts

Lawyer: 'You are poor. Speak quickly.'

'Let's make one thing clear. I'm a divorce lawyer, I do not bail people out of unhappy marriages!'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"If you really want independence, you should get into contract law."

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

"Bailiff."

"We've also been given ten top employment law tips."

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

'And after I'm through, our staff attorney will drop by to assist you with all the pre-nuptial agreement documents!'

'What'll it be?'

'Does the Fifth Amendment apply to report cards?'

"Never mind Benjamin – he just lawyers-up to get attention."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

Pillaging, formerly Acquisitions Department

"They're class action figures."

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'Watch it...I'm carrying a concealed weapon...my lawyer.'

' Of course there isn't one law for the rich and another for the poor..There's only one impartial law. For all who can afford it.'

"Well, I'm sorry. The 3 wishes I'm granting can't exceed the annual exclusion of $14,000."

'We are in a race against time and the auditors. Gentlemen...start your shredders!'

"Is that legal? Can the old man force me to take a performance-enhancing drug."

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

"You don't have to answer that."