Legal Adviser Gifts

'Legal says we could get by with the term 'super' but adding 'duper' might be pushing it.'

"Sorry, the lawyer - client privilege on confidentiality doesn't apply to free advice."

"Father, do you mind if my attorney sits in on my confession?"

"It's legal – but not entirely."

"Well, there was a Malone who tried that in 1942 and won, but, on the other hand, there was a Parker who tried it in '63 and lost."

'This paperwork for a sing case. Why ever do they call it a 'brief'?'

'Watch it...I'm carrying a concealed weapon...my lawyer.'

SANTA'S ATTORNEY

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

"Never wrestle a pig; you both get dirty, and he likes it."

'... Yeah. That just means we aren't much good.'

"If somebody stole my identity, would I still be legally married?"

'Yes, we do offer free legal advice, but to be honest it isn't as good as the advice we charge for.'

Legal Department

"Legal is concerned you made up your 'True Life' adventures."

'Costwise, are we thinking Kavanagh QL or Rumpole?'

'There's no catch, Mr. Jones. We offer 100% bonefide, free, crummy legal advice.'

'I suggest you take him to small claims court, Mrs. Fowler.'

"We've also been given ten top employment law tips."

'Telephone solicitor.'

'Remember, he's ambidextrous. He can be both heavy handed and slight-of-hand.'

'Remind clients to come prepared for their initial consultation with documents, names, addresses, checkbook, credit cards, cash.'

'Is it legal to try me twice for the same offense?'

Next lawyer 3 miles.

'Your honor, my client claims he's too poor to hire an attorney, pre-trial publicity counsel, and book agent.'

'Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today.'

'I'm suing a men's clothier. It's suit suit.'

"Hold on. To avoid getting sued, I'll have to run it by legal."

'... Because it's the law! That's why!'

'Speaking as an attorney. I think putting 'Happy' in quotation marks was a smart move, legally. However, speaking as a customer I think it may affect your 'tip'.'

Trial by Media

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."