Legal Documents Gifts

The new contract will give you much more power over your future...so here are some guidelines as to how you'll be allowed to use it!'

"Sign here to indicate you have no idea what you've signed."

"And to my brother, who I promised to mention in my will, 'Hi Grumpy'!"

Due Diligence Man

"See, it's right here in the pre-nup. If you walk out, I get two weeks' severance sex."

'Pinky swear doesn't cut it anymore. My attorney has a few documents for you to sign.'

"I like your thinking Steve. Hiding the contract loopholes under the staples is brilliant."

'Remember, McWit. Disclaimers are in the eye of the manipulator.'

Attorneys at law.

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

"Bailiff."

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

The Devil's in the detail!

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

'The Human Right Act bans ANY cruel or unusual treatment...we may need to rewrite our ENTIRE customer care policy!'

"They're class action figures."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"'Season's Greetings' looks O.K. to me. Let's run it by the legal department."

My client is claiming that you have discriminated against him as a species, that your refusal to let him sniff client's bottoms is against his canine rights and that your policies have acted against him reaching partnership.

"Turn off cell phones violators will be over ruled."

I Litigate Therefore I Am.

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

When he was between Executive Assistants, filing became a challenge for Jonathan.

"It's my attorney. Have you seen my list of things about you that drive me crazy?"

'I believe my trainee is putting together the trial bundle for you now.'

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

'Slap me and I'll see you in court.'

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

"In a surprising turn of events, the end testifies against the means."

Attorney and killer bee.

'Send this back to the legal department. I think they could make it much more complicated than this...'

Jenkins here has been with the firm the longest,

'So much for the will! Now, before you start celebrating, I suggest you think about inheritance taxes, because, according to my calculations, you will be left with. . ."