Legal Document Jester Gifts

Okay, here goes: I'm sorry I forgot our anniversary. In writing. Notarized. Cut me some slack! I'm old! That's no excuse for forgetting things. YES IT IS!!! Fax it to my attorney.

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

Dog walking Human.

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'How about a game of cards?'

'Pass it to Dewey! He's got himself into some kind of rhythm!!'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

'Wait!... I don't want to take Brady out right now. He's just getting into rhythm.'

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'WELL, that certainly was a frank discussion! Shall we proceed to the inevitable apologies, retractions and clarifications?'

Hardware and software

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"I say we move on to dessert."

A baby in court

'Court is in recess for one hour. Everyone convene on the playground and we will choose sides for dodgeball!'

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

Basketball.

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'Captain, we're going to have to ask you to stop spiking the ball.'

'Phone for help? Are you mad? Have you any idea how much it costs to use a mobile abroad?'

'That will be 100 hours of community service in some other community.'

'The score is tied and we've only got a 20-second timeout, so we've gotta be quick. ... I'm 'X'. Who wants to be 'O'?'

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

'Have you seen the ruddy margins the Chinese expect us to take up for this work?'

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

"Humiliation is a very important part of the the process, Mr. Keifer."

'Radford, go in for Bloom. ... Uh-uh-uh! Finish your vegetables first!'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."