Document Dodger Gifts

"I refuse to read the safety manual. Last time I tried, it gave me a severe papercut!"

'I couldn't do my term paper because they've never made a movie about Rutherford B. Hayes.'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

"So, in conclusion, I would like to say that although I haven't actually read the book, I still found it a fascinating and enriching experience.

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

'I can't remember the title,but it was on a little white piece of paper.'

'officially, I'm on leave, but I'm really just ducking the media.'

"Is it my imagination, or does our use of correction fluid increase as people's teeth get whiter?"

Files of Doom

IN, OUT, NOT WORTH THE EFFORT

"Isn't this so much better without our devices?"

'You can read, right? -- I want you to check this thing for loopholes.'

"Just two paragraphs from our internet provider's terms and conditions agreement and she was out like a light."

'I needed some relief from data overload.'

Trying to come up with yet another password...

"I can't understand how it got lost - I haven't filed it yet"

'You mean that's all you ever read, designer labels?'

'Cheer up, Mr. Laping. It's only until the fishing season is over.'

"Actually, investing can be very relaxing. Ever try to stay awake reading a prospectus?"

'I have here secret government documents that describe the events leading up to Custer's Last Stand.'

"Would you like to squiggle here something that no-one in a MILLION years would be able to read!"

'That's why your checkbook balance looks so good. You sent all of your online bills to the junk file.'

"I buried my doctoral thesis in an unmarked grave. . . because, ultimately, you never know."

"Mr Yomp is in a big hurry, so give him 'speedy runaround number 39'..."

Man marks documents as 'Illegal', 'Sweet Spot' and 'Legal'.

'Darling, I've just deleted the computer,'

"There's a loophole in there somewhere, Haskins. Pretends it's truffle."

"He died from eyestrain...read every prospectus they ever sent him."

"Dora's anxiety has always manifested itself in the 'flight response.'"

'Tell the Nielsen people I'm channel hopping, and let it go at that.'

'Marge! Do I have a will?'

"What's to prevent some total stranger anywhere on the world from paying my bills."

"Baldo, remember our rules! No talking on cell phones during work hours!"

"Can you remember who signed this document?"