Literary Promoter Gifts

"Don't peddle your new book until the seminar's over."

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

German Expressionist Breakfast

The writer: something who devotes a lifetime of solitude to the same of communication.

'Yorick? No, I don't think so, unless of course he was a Neanderthal!'

"Eye of pie...a**e of rat...p**s of newt."

"If the stars should appear one night in a thousand years, how would men believe and adore, and preserve for many generations the remembrance of the city of God which had been shown! … Emerson" "Good boy!"

'My manuscript is available for download on the internet. I'll email the link to you.'

Shakespeare's Brain

"Will thee not sayeth uncle?!"

"Some Debussy, Igor."

"My dad says this pencil was once used by William Shakespeare." "Is it 2B or not 2B?"

Shakespeare in the clink

Franz Kafka

'How do I get people to visit my...'

'Cap'n Ahab, Sir! Starbuck wants to know if you fancy a coffee.'

Captain Ahab (Ret.)

J. D. Salinger

Stephen Fry

The Taming of the Ewe

"He's got a great future behind him!"

"Wallace couldn't come, but I brought some of his fussy prose."

Meet the Shameless Self-Promoter 2 PM

Three Witches from Macbeth

'Ere-we distinctly asked for SAM an' Ella!'

"With your voice and my marketing skills, we'll sell records by the million!"

Garage Music

"Today we will focus on how the author makes the same exact complaints about here life, from her sixth birthday and on."

Concert still in progress

"If all the world's a stage, I'm beginning to wonder about the PLAYWRIGHT!"

"Somnambulant... somnambulant."

'Help me Rhonda I've fallen & I can't get back up.'

'Some of you may have heard that Dr. Weil is giving HIS talk right now in the next auditorium.'

Boris Pasternak

"It's lost all meaning in the steroid era."