Book Promoter Gifts

'Don't worry, I'm just here to promote my book.'

On the book tour with Bill Gates

"Our only hope is that the book gets banned."

Meet the author of his own misfortune.

"I knew it - He's just plugging another self-help book!"

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

Create some buzz!

"That's our new church mascot."

'My manuscript is available for download on the internet. I'll email the link to you.'

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

'How do I get people to visit my...'

Meet the Shameless Self-Promoter 2 PM

"As you can see from the books behind me, I pretend to read a lot of books."

"He's got a great future behind him!"

'Ere-we distinctly asked for SAM an' Ella!'

Garage Music

"With your voice and my marketing skills, we'll sell records by the million!"

'Ask me about my portfolio.'

'Help me Rhonda I've fallen & I can't get back up.'

Make love not war

Concert still in progress

'Some of you may have heard that Dr. Weil is giving HIS talk right now in the next auditorium.'

"I'm going to a concert by a really famous superstar....he deserves to be pelted with expensive organic tomatoes!"

Muse

'Old blue-screen's back!'

"Sure I'd love to buy thirty thousand subscriptions."

An honesty of agents

"Don't peddle your new book until the seminar's over."

Bookshop with Best sellers getting pushed into the Remainders basket.

'Hey, thanks for comin' out tonight. All these songs are from our new album, which was inspired by a recent trip to the grocery store...'

'Usherettes and razzamatazz won't bring back the crowds - we need some new lions'.

'Oh I retired a few months back...I'm a promoter now.'

"So much for that publicity stunt."

Archers.