Book Promoter Pillows

'Don't worry, I'm just here to promote my book.'

On the book tour with Bill Gates

"Our only hope is that the book gets banned."

Meet the author of his own misfortune.

"I knew it - He's just plugging another self-help book!"

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

Create some buzz!

"That's our new church mascot."

'My manuscript is available for download on the internet. I'll email the link to you.'

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

'Ere-we distinctly asked for SAM an' Ella!'

"He's got a great future behind him!"

Meet the Shameless Self-Promoter 2 PM

"As you can see from the books behind me, I pretend to read a lot of books."

"With your voice and my marketing skills, we'll sell records by the million!"

Garage Music

'Some of you may have heard that Dr. Weil is giving HIS talk right now in the next auditorium.'

Make love not war

'Ask me about my portfolio.'

Concert still in progress

"I'm going to a concert by a really famous superstar....he deserves to be pelted with expensive organic tomatoes!"

"Sure I'd love to buy thirty thousand subscriptions."

An honesty of agents

"Don't peddle your new book until the seminar's over."

'Hey, thanks for comin' out tonight. All these songs are from our new album, which was inspired by a recent trip to the grocery store...'

'Usherettes and razzamatazz won't bring back the crowds - we need some new lions'.

Bookshop with Best sellers getting pushed into the Remainders basket.

'Oh I retired a few months back...I'm a promoter now.'

"So much for that publicity stunt."

Hmmm

Archers.

"People...People who need people...."

"Thank you and goodnight! You've been a great audience."