Music Promoters Gifts

'Could we get the Stones to play 'Satisfaction' when we pull out of Iraq?'

Create some buzz!

"That's our new church mascot."

'My manuscript is available for download on the internet. I'll email the link to you.'

'Ere-we distinctly asked for SAM an' Ella!'

"You're looking at the next Bob Dylan."

"He's got a great future behind him!"

"With your voice and my marketing skills, we'll sell records by the million!"

Garage Music

'I have Tourette's, and they play backup.'

Make love not war

Advertising space on jockeys' bottoms

Club DJ.

'Help me Rhonda I've fallen & I can't get back up.'

Concert still in progress

'Some of you may have heard that Dr. Weil is giving HIS talk right now in the next auditorium.'

'The music business.'

"Music has doubled my income..."

'Old blue-screen's back!'

"Telephone call for you, it's the Bank Manager."

"I'm going to a concert by a really famous superstar....he deserves to be pelted with expensive organic tomatoes!"

Muse

An honesty of agents

THE RISE OF WOMEN'S BOXING

"The good news is he costs a quarter of what a string quarted would; the bad news is that, of course, he's suffocating."

'Hey, thanks for comin' out tonight. All these songs are from our new album, which was inspired by a recent trip to the grocery store...'

"Our only hope is that the book gets banned."

"Narrative play is dead."

'Usherettes and razzamatazz won't bring back the crowds - we need some new lions'.

'Oh I retired a few months back...I'm a promoter now.'

"We've got Tom O'Brien on bass, Nick Weber on drums, and Jonah Petchesky on contracts."

"So much for that publicity stunt."

"I've got to take this. It's somebody at a much better party."

'Lost your kindle in the cab? Try my outdated destined-for-extinction, low-priced print edition.'

'Don't worry, I'm just here to promote my book.'