Album Promoter Gifts

"We feel it would really bpost the new album of you came out of the closet..."

Create some buzz!

"That's our new church mascot."

'My manuscript is available for download on the internet. I'll email the link to you.'

"He's got a great future behind him!"

'Ere-we distinctly asked for SAM an' Ella!'

"How do you expect him to grow up to be a pro if he doesn't start young?"

"With your voice and my marketing skills, we'll sell records by the million!"

Garage Music

'Ask me about my portfolio.'

Make love not war

'Help me Rhonda I've fallen & I can't get back up.'

'He's a very superior dog. Even his fleas have pedigrees!'

'Some of you may have heard that Dr. Weil is giving HIS talk right now in the next auditorium.'

Concert still in progress

Club DJ.

'The music business.'

"Telephone call for you, it's the Bank Manager."

"I'm going to a concert by a really famous superstar....he deserves to be pelted with expensive organic tomatoes!"

Muse

'Old blue-screen's back!'

An honesty of agents

"Don't peddle your new book until the seminar's over."

"Our only hope is that the book gets banned."

"Narrative play is dead."

'Usherettes and razzamatazz won't bring back the crowds - we need some new lions'.

'Oh I retired a few months back...I'm a promoter now.'

'Hey, thanks for comin' out tonight. All these songs are from our new album, which was inspired by a recent trip to the grocery store...'

"So much for that publicity stunt."

'Lost your kindle in the cab? Try my outdated destined-for-extinction, low-priced print edition.'

Archers.

Hmmm

'Don't worry, I'm just here to promote my book.'

"I've got to take this. It's somebody at a much better party."

"People...People who need people...."