Light-hearted Humor Fans Gifts

"These nicotine patches are great! I can't find my fags anywhere!"

"Them's cat-fightin' words, Arlin!"

Raised by Dogs

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

A Golden Non-Retriever

'Hon, I'm home!'

Shoe repair

"Yes, "breeding like rabbits" is often used in a pejorative sense. The truth is, we don't care as we love having kids..."

"Oh boy, by the way this guy is moving, we can assume he's got some of our friends in his pants..."

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

'Tell me father, why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.'

"My reflexes are not what they used to be: This is how I catch birds now..."

'Something needs to be done about the surgery room lights.'

Clairvoyant - I want to divorce my husband. He's having an affair next week.

Beach Attraction

Yeti/Not Yeti

A better way to sweep the floor.... just shuffle!

Giving thanks.

We couldn't help but notice, Mary, that you got a new fleece, and it's white as snow.

A Human balloon being sold to a child balloon.

"And what would you consider your legacy to be, Dr. Fauci, when all of this is behind us?"

Arm puncture...

"Should've let go of the plane when I told you to."

'You're healthy as an eohippus!'

'You're sexy when your mind is somewhere else.'

Dog emojis.

I slept funny last night!

'Let me put it this way...don't start watching any miniseries on TV.'

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, lady, can't you read?"

'First past the post?'

" When you're done fooling around with those lights, come and eat your dinner, it's getting cold!"

Flo's Christmas Lights: 'I really like what you've done with yawr Christmas lights this yeaw Flo.'

"Damn kids and their graffiti."

He saw a bright white light, but it was no heaven.

Mind lost by a mother.