Light-hearted Humor Fans Pillows

"These nicotine patches are great! I can't find my fags anywhere!"

"Them's cat-fightin' words, Arlin!"

Raised by Dogs

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

A Golden Non-Retriever

'Hon, I'm home!'

"Oh boy, by the way this guy is moving, we can assume he's got some of our friends in his pants..."

"Yes, "breeding like rabbits" is often used in a pejorative sense. The truth is, we don't care as we love having kids..."

Shoe repair

'Tell me father, why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.'

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

'Something needs to be done about the surgery room lights.'

"My reflexes are not what they used to be: This is how I catch birds now..."

Clairvoyant - I want to divorce my husband. He's having an affair next week.

A better way to sweep the floor.... just shuffle!

Beach Attraction

Yeti/Not Yeti

Giving thanks.

'You're sexy when your mind is somewhere else.'

'You're healthy as an eohippus!'

Arm puncture...

"And what would you consider your legacy to be, Dr. Fauci, when all of this is behind us?"

A Human balloon being sold to a child balloon.

I slept funny last night!

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, lady, can't you read?"

'Let me put it this way...don't start watching any miniseries on TV.'

'First past the post?'

Flo's Christmas Lights: 'I really like what you've done with yawr Christmas lights this yeaw Flo.'

"Damn kids and their graffiti."

" When you're done fooling around with those lights, come and eat your dinner, it's getting cold!"

"Dinner's almost ready, you better not have eaten anything on the way home!"