Fans Of Lighthearted Humor Gifts

Your eyes are like ... one limpid pool and one regular eye.

"Them's cat-fightin' words, Arlin!"

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

Raised by Dogs

"Bless You."

A Golden Non-Retriever

'Hon, I'm home!'

"Mommy usually reads me a story, then slips me a twenty."

I thought I was proposing to Sally, but evidently I was challenging her to a twenty year series of debates.

'We have to forfeit, Three of our players got squashed on the way over here,'

"Wa-wa. . . wa-wa. . . wa-wa. . ."

'If you must know, yes, I do sometimes fake purring.'

"Yes, "breeding like rabbits" is often used in a pejorative sense. The truth is, we don't care as we love having kids..."

"Oh boy, by the way this guy is moving, we can assume he's got some of our friends in his pants..."

"My reflexes are not what they used to be: This is how I catch birds now..."

Clairvoyant - I want to divorce my husband. He's having an affair next week.

Unemployed man given role as the 'gluten fairy'.

"The Loyalty Card program has changed. Management now requires you to get a Loyalty Forehead Tattoo of the bar's logo."

One day having a great personality was going to become a crucial evolutionary trait...

"No Eric, you're NOT funny haha. . . you're funny peculiar. . !"

"What?! You didn't say nuthin' about this bein' a yo' mam joke battle!"

Beach Attraction

Yeti/Not Yeti

A better way to sweep the floor.... just shuffle!

"And what would you consider your legacy to be, Dr. Fauci, when all of this is behind us?"

Arm puncture...

"Should've let go of the plane when I told you to."

'You're healthy as an eohippus!'

A Human balloon being sold to a child balloon.

I slept funny last night!

Snowmen during the Stone Age...

Dog emojis.

We couldn't help but notice, Mary, that you got a new fleece, and it's white as snow.

'You're sexy when your mind is somewhere else.'

'Let me put it this way...don't start watching any miniseries on TV.'