Lenten Humorists Gifts

'Fred insists on giving something up for Lent!'

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

"On your left."

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

'I think I see why you're progressing slowly in music.'

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

"Am I seeing double? You and your twin are the experts, why don't you two tell me!"

'I think you're mistaking me for my twin sister.'

'What do you want that for? You're already going nowhere fast.'

'This must be that planet where they also don't believe they have Global Warming.'

Train Arrivals

The walls have ears.

'A metal plate in your head does not qualify as a helmet.'

"I picked this up from the humans. . . two metre gap. . . gives us a much wider spread."

'What do you mean, you want rollerblades?'

"Technically, I don't think you can claim to have saved your husband's life on several occasions just because you haven't killed him!"

"At this point, we're only staying together for the sake of the pets."

"The white keys are naturals, the black sharps or flats and the ginger ones are Ed Sheeran."

'It's a quarter-to-three and there's no one in the place except ewe and me.'

'I'm sorry Adam, but you're ugly... I mean we all are, but especially you.'

'Fred like to tickle the ivories.'

'Get on the field! Let's go! Get your heads in the game!!'

"Damn kids and their graffiti."

'Keep it simple, cupid!'

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

"Winning isn't everything - it's the only thing!"

'They're actually street lamp-powered panels.'