Flat Earth Humorist Gifts

"This is why they say 'the world is flat.'"

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

"Good Lord! Life on Mars...adorable life on Mars!"

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

Glance Exchange

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"Chomp... Chomp... Curry Tree..."

"Do you think the flat earth society has members round the globe?"

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

"How about a hand."

"It's just a tree."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

'The Lemming Book Store'

"I cross the road to forget."

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

'You can't come in here with that.'

Self Help / Elf Help.

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'