Lenten Humorists Pillows

'Fred insists on giving something up for Lent!'

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

"On your left."

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

"Edgar, I'm talking to you! For goodness sake, has the cat got your tongue?"

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

'I think I see why you're progressing slowly in music.'

"Am I seeing double? You and your twin are the experts, why don't you two tell me!"

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

'I think you're mistaking me for my twin sister.'

'This must be that planet where they also don't believe they have Global Warming.'

'What do you want that for? You're already going nowhere fast.'

"I picked this up from the humans. . . two metre gap. . . gives us a much wider spread."

'A metal plate in your head does not qualify as a helmet.'

Gavel me once, shame on you; gavel me twice, shame on me.

'What do you mean, you want rollerblades?'

The walls have ears.

Train Arrivals

"Technically, I don't think you can claim to have saved your husband's life on several occasions just because you haven't killed him!"

"At this point, we're only staying together for the sake of the pets."

"The white keys are naturals, the black sharps or flats and the ginger ones are Ed Sheeran."

'It's a quarter-to-three and there's no one in the place except ewe and me.'

'I'm sorry Adam, but you're ugly... I mean we all are, but especially you.'

'Get on the field! Let's go! Get your heads in the game!!'

'Fred like to tickle the ivories.'

"Damn kids and their graffiti."

'Keep it simple, cupid!'

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

"Winning isn't everything - it's the only thing!"

Olaf's Doughnut Hut. The real reason for viking helmets.

The next song is called "A Walk Across the Keys."