Know-it-all Naysayer Gifts

"No one likes a smart-arse Nigel...!"

Traditional vs alternative medicine.

'You sure complain a lot for someone who says he loves nature.'

The anti-social network: 'Hey Jeffrey...I need help setting up my dad's anti-social network.'

'You've probably heard of me. I'm an author, consultant and lecturer in the fields of authoring, consulting and lecturing.'

"Recent studies now show that people who use the aphorism ‘whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ have compromised immune systems."

Go Back to New York

Brighton boatman offering the hire of a pleasure boat on a very cold day

'You and your aversion to needles!'

God is dead.

'You had to get shots? I couldn't stand that. I hate needles!'

Not a happy camper.

'We get 183 channels, and I still don't know what I think.'

One more question, Lance

'One day, this will make a wonderful metaphor.'

'I said my first no today...'

"Every time he's right, he does that."

'Tell the Nielsen people I'm channel hopping, and let it go at that.'

'What makes you think the boat sprung a leak?'

'That Jimmy is sickening!'

'Cleverclogs here has all the answers but never the right ones!'

"At the next intersection, turn whichever way you f#$%!^&* want! You never listen to me anyway!"

I'm announcing the debut of my new manual: "Randy's Movie-Watching for Alphas." Chapter One: The critics are all wrong

"Thanks all the same, but I'm heading west."

'You just had to throw the manual out didn't you? Big man can figure everything out for himself...'

"Must you always have an answer?"

Trivia night - the arrival of God causes worry amongst the other competitiors.

"Let's just agree that they're dolphins, not sharks. I don't want to fall out with you."

"Math scares me so much I can't even add it to my list of anxieties."

Preacher performs a miracle.

'What have you got for the man who knows everything?'

'When is the world going to realize that we know everything?!'

"All the latest scientific research seems to indicate that I'm right about everything."

'I don't need them. My wife knows everything.'

Syringe being bent by a tattoo of a knight in armour.