Know-it-all Naysayer Pillows

"No one likes a smart-arse Nigel...!"

Traditional vs alternative medicine.

'You sure complain a lot for someone who says he loves nature.'

The anti-social network: 'Hey Jeffrey...I need help setting up my dad's anti-social network.'

'You've probably heard of me. I'm an author, consultant and lecturer in the fields of authoring, consulting and lecturing.'

"Recent studies now show that people who use the aphorism ‘whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ have compromised immune systems."

Go Back to New York

Brighton boatman offering the hire of a pleasure boat on a very cold day

'You and your aversion to needles!'

God is dead.

'We get 183 channels, and I still don't know what I think.'

'You had to get shots? I couldn't stand that. I hate needles!'

'One day, this will make a wonderful metaphor.'

'I said my first no today...'

"Every time he's right, he does that."

'Tell the Nielsen people I'm channel hopping, and let it go at that.'

'What makes you think the boat sprung a leak?'

"Thanks all the same, but I'm heading west."

"At the next intersection, turn whichever way you f#$%!^&* want! You never listen to me anyway!"

'That Jimmy is sickening!'

'Cleverclogs here has all the answers but never the right ones!'

'You just had to throw the manual out didn't you? Big man can figure everything out for himself...'

Trivia night - the arrival of God causes worry amongst the other competitiors.

Preacher performs a miracle.

"Let's just agree that they're dolphins, not sharks. I don't want to fall out with you."

"Math scares me so much I can't even add it to my list of anxieties."

'What have you got for the man who knows everything?'

'When is the world going to realize that we know everything?!'

"All the latest scientific research seems to indicate that I'm right about everything."

'I don't need them. My wife knows everything.'

Syringe being bent by a tattoo of a knight in armour.

"I come to these get-togethers to see who's coming apart."