Kennel Connoisseur Gifts

Man on motorbike with side kennel.

'The ranch-style house is for our wiener dog.'

"It's a new countertop draft system for craft beer!"

Best Before 5th Pint.

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

"So, Danny Boy, what's up in your world?"

"Fetch me another Sculpin IPA."

'No, that's not my shaving lotion. We've been burning cow chips in the wood stove.'

Sister to brother: 'It's kind of like alphabet soup, only for numbers crunchers.'

'A quick pint or a quiet drink?'

"First they taught me how to pee on the newspaper. Then they taught me how to fetch it. I reversed the sequence by accident and I've been out here since."

4 Reasons People Love Oktoberfest

'Malty tasking.'

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

Cereal Tasting.

'Well,we had a good run.' - Worldwide Hops Shortage.

"Thousands of craft beers and I still haven't found one with a smooth, kibble finish."

My friend, Ernie, the documentary filmmaker, is producing a series about beverages. One film follows a man's search for the perfect lager. The working title is "The Beer Hunter." He found a group of young women in high school who are fantastic baristas. "Bean Girls." Espresso. Another movie will uncover animosity in the orange juice business. Maybe I should call it "Pulp Friction." And he's examining vineyards and winemakers all over the globe. I'll call the film "Planet of the Grapes"!

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

"We did it! Barbeque, bacon, cheese and just a twist of kale!"

"He must have picked that up at the kennel."

1% Cereal: Now with marshmallow dollar signs.

The bigger they are, the harder they fall, but then the turbulence gets you!

Waiter thinks drowning man is asking for 5 beers

Ernie is a master brewer! He's highly skilled in every phase of the beer-making process! Business is booming at our craft beer pub! Ernie, are those ladies old enough to buy beer? I didn't ask for I.D. I didn't want to violate the no "dating" the customers policy. Ernie is an absolute genius about beer, but lacks common sense about everything else! (Published originally on Nov. 8, 2015.)

Chick Lit and Boy Lit.

''Pet of the Year', That's me!'

"Oh yes,decidedly hoppy."

Beer Sergeant.

'This English Setter, Irish Wolfhound and Scotch Terrier, go into a bar...'

'Try putting a remote in one hand aan a beer in the other and see if he starts up.'

"You order the microbrew?"

Super Fibre Cereal.

'It's from the local microbrewery.'

"There's nothing like dog-walking for making new friends...."