Jovial Taxpayer Gifts

Do you have anyone whose bark is worse than their bite?

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

'If someone farts in the forest and there's no one around to smell it, does it make a stink?'

"You're going to regret this in the morning."

"You really clean up on these mileage deductions, don't you."

Complaints Desk

Death Photobombs a Holiday

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

"Don't worry, I won't hold my age against you."

'Your smile came in a distant third.'

'I'm not as think as you drunk I am.'

"Growing old is not the problem... it's not being rich that's the problem."

"Look - the FIRST EVER picture of a black hole!! What do you think?"

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

'Pay bills, stick to a budget, plan ahead.'

'Don't worry, fifty something is the new thirty something.'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Racing - No. II - IV

"No raise, but the boss did give me a 'God Boy' and a treat."

"What a listener. My burden feels lighter already."

"Wait a minute, that's my bar code" Product Identity Theft

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Hunting - No. III

'Every year was the same. There was always some clown or comedian in Brian's intake of pupils.'

"Oh my....Look how much you've grown."

'Apparently he does 20 yards to the pint.'

'In the event you suffer from Montezuma's Revenge, there's a TV in every bathroom.'

Enthusiastic man

Ad agency

'Rudolf?'

'Wizzo Wotsits - how can I help you? Just putting you through to customer services. . .'

'Dear Customer - Due to economic cutbacks, this year we have produced a 'Round Robin' Christmas Card...'

'Oops! I should've gone to the bathroom before I came.'

Man with Balloon