Jovial Retiree Gifts

"Growing old is not the problem... it's not being rich that's the problem."

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

'You may well have eaten fresher fish before but not in this restaurant. . .'

Complaints Desk

Death Photobombs a Holiday

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

Pie chart of pub conversations

'Your smile came in a distant third.'

'I'm not as think as you drunk I am.'

"Don't worry, I won't hold my age against you."

'My client stands before you, a jury of his whittling peers ...'

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

"Look - the FIRST EVER picture of a black hole!! What do you think?"

"No raise, but the boss did give me a 'God Boy' and a treat."

"What a listener. My burden feels lighter already."

'You said we can grow our own food. So, where's the hot dog seeds.'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Racing - No. II - IV

Going Shopping Together.

"At our age I figure we only have two taste buds left. One for vodka and one for wine."

'Every year was the same. There was always some clown or comedian in Brian's intake of pupils.'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Hunting - No. III

"Oh my....Look how much you've grown."

'Apparently he does 20 yards to the pint.'

'Wizzo Wotsits - how can I help you? Just putting you through to customer services. . .'

Ad agency

'Rudolf?'

'Oops! I should've gone to the bathroom before I came.'

Men discussing thier weight

Enthusiastic man

"For those planning to post a nit-picking, fault-finding critique of us online, may I suggest out 'whine and dine' menu."

Unicycle with stabilisers