Jovial Patient Gifts

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

"I let go of all my earthly attachments, but there's one I can't seem to shake."

'My client stands before you, a jury of his whittling peers ...'

Celebration in operating theatre.

"Growing old is not the problem... it's not being rich that's the problem."

'Listen, pal, Happy Hour was over ten minutes ago.'

"No raise, but the boss did give me a 'God Boy' and a treat."

'My opinion, right or wrong!'

'You said we can grow our own food. So, where's the hot dog seeds.'

'You don't need to worry about your records being sold to the highest bidder...they'll bugger it and sell them off cheap!'

"Wait a minute, that's my bar code" Product Identity Theft

"I don't care what they do, as long as they don't mess with the thirty-two-ounce martini."

'Dear Customer - Due to economic cutbacks, this year we have produced a 'Round Robin' Christmas Card...'

"I moved here just six months ago and already I'm part of the local color."

Man with Balloon

Enthusiastic man

Why did you think the prenup lawyer gave me such a good deal?

"Doctor! This is not the time for the 'pull my finger' gag!"

Technically Speaking

"If you're going to the bank, would you bring me something?"

Do you have anyone whose bark is worse than their bite?

Naysayers keep out.

'Good news. Even though you've been spending way beyond your means, the IMF is giving you a bailout. It seems you're too big to fail.'

'I can't explain it, but somehow, when I walk past here, I feel strangely insecure.'

"Time to blow out the candles. Take a deep breath....Ok. Let's try something easier. Take a shallow, raspy breath."

"Age, nothing - I'd be satisfied to play my weight"

'When I said address the ball I didn't mean like that!'