Jovial Jovians Gifts

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

Candid Camera store.

'The Saxon King' pub

'If someone farts in the forest and there's no one around to smell it, does it make a stink?'

"You're going to regret this in the morning."

Pie chart of pub conversations

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

"What the... an apple?! Hey, I can make schnapps out of it and if you've had plenty of it, gravity pulls you to the ground!"

'My client stands before you, a jury of his whittling peers ...'

"Growing old is not the problem... it's not being rich that's the problem."

'Don't worry, fifty something is the new thirty something.'

"No raise, but the boss did give me a 'God Boy' and a treat."

'My opinion, right or wrong!'

'You said we can grow our own food. So, where's the hot dog seeds.'

"You can't fake throwing sticks this many times and expect to just waltz in here, Mr. Federman."

The Relentlessly Jovial & Obnoxious Sales-People.

"At our age I figure we only have two taste buds left. One for vodka and one for wine."

'You don't need to worry about your records being sold to the highest bidder...they'll bugger it and sell them off cheap!'

Going Shopping Together.

To an observer approaching the speed of light, Einstein and his surroundings appear to be tall and thin.

-

Enthusiastic man

Do you know what girls want?

"Whatever he's having!"

"I'm really glad that we're in this together."

'And this one's for humor in the line of duty.'

"Oh, yeah! Well, your mother doesn't know a molecule from barnacle."

'I grew up in the drug culture but now I get the same effect by standing up too fast.'

'I can't explain it, but somehow, when I walk past here, I feel strangely insecure.'

'No no, old age dosen't stop me from horsing around...'

'Your horse is sure to win now that he's got rid of that little man on his back.'

"Time to blow out the candles. Take a deep breath....Ok. Let's try something easier. Take a shallow, raspy breath."

"Age, nothing - I'd be satisfied to play my weight"

'Now hook him in the lip and give it a yank'