Jovial Drinkers Gifts

'My opinion, right or wrong!'

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

'If someone farts in the forest and there's no one around to smell it, does it make a stink?'

Family doing circus trick heading to the circus.

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

Pie chart of pub conversations

'My client stands before you, a jury of his whittling peers ...'

'The chef wants to know if you mind having the dessert tomorrow...'

'How do we know YOU'RE not bearing false witness?'

"I'm Walter Grimes and I approve this drink."

"Growing old is not the problem... it's not being rich that's the problem."

"You draw clip-art? What a coincidence - I write Muzak!"

'Don't worry, fifty something is the new thirty something.'

'You said we can grow our own food. So, where's the hot dog seeds.'

'Listen, pal, Happy Hour was over ten minutes ago.'

"It's important to learn numbers. Then you can have a pin number and get money from ATMs."

"My compliments to whoever opened the can."

The Relentlessly Jovial & Obnoxious Sales-People.

'A table near the wine steward, please.'

"At our age I figure we only have two taste buds left. One for vodka and one for wine."

"I don't care what they do, as long as they don't mess with the thirty-two-ounce martini."

"You know, honestly I see it as half full."

'I tried letting it all hang out, and somebody stepped on it.'

Do you know what girls want?

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"I was very good...delicious in fact."

"I moved here just six months ago and already I'm part of the local color."

Enthusiastic man

Cartoon showing a man swimming, when another swimmer has dived, bounced off his stomach and smashed through the ceiling.

"Ted wants to bring the fan back into accounting"

"I'm really glad that we're in this together."

"Doctor! This is not the time for the 'pull my finger' gag!"

"Look Fred, are you going to play, or are you just going to clown around?"

Christmas Burnout.