Jovial Drinker Gifts

"I don't care what they do, as long as they don't mess with the thirty-two-ounce martini."

"I moved here just six months ago and already I'm part of the local color."

Naysayers keep out.

'Listen, pal, Happy Hour was over ten minutes ago.'

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

Growth Charts

"I'll get my 10,000 steps in tonight!"

'If someone farts in the forest and there's no one around to smell it, does it make a stink?'

"I'm off, I only popped in for a swift three units."

Farmer chasing alien leaving crop circles.

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

Family doing circus trick heading to the circus.

"Redcoat is down! Repeat, redcoat is down!"

Who says religion can't have a sense of humour.

Pie chart of pub conversations

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

'Just one more and this puppy is headed for another bar.'

'The chef wants to know if you mind having the dessert tomorrow...'

"You want me to explain how there were two doughnuts in the larder and now there is only one? Easy, it was too dark in there to see the second one."

"That's right, Robert. Santa sends us a copy of his naughty and nice list, and we send him our students' grades."

'How do we know YOU'RE not bearing false witness?'

"Growing old is not the problem... it's not being rich that's the problem."

'Wow...you must have had a really bad day, eh, mate?'

Hot Cross Bun

"Hey! He must be watering down the beer.This is our fifth pint and we're still not talking rubbish."

"It's important to learn numbers. Then you can have a pin number and get money from ATMs."

'My opinion, right or wrong!'

Planting Bulbs.

Artist angry at jogger running through his painting.

'You said we can grow our own food. So, where's the hot dog seeds.'

'Don't worry, fifty something is the new thirty something.'

"My compliments to whoever opened the can."

"Is that permanent?"