Jovial Employee Gifts

"No raise, but the boss did give me a 'God Boy' and a treat."

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

"You're going to regret this in the morning."

"We've run all the technical stuff and found the cause of the funny sound coming from your computer."

'You may well have eaten fresher fish before but not in this restaurant. . .'

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

'Your smile came in a distant third.'

"Don't worry, I won't hold my age against you."

"Growing old is not the problem... it's not being rich that's the problem."

"What a listener. My burden feels lighter already."

'You said we can grow our own food. So, where's the hot dog seeds.'

"Wait a minute, that's my bar code" Product Identity Theft

Learn to Laugh at Yourself

'I like to give them a sporting chance.'

"Watkins would like to know if he can leave a few minutes early...he claims he's dying."

hoovering husband

Man with Balloon

'I have to go on a diet. Evidently the best things in life aren't fat free!!'

"For those planning to post a nit-picking, fault-finding critique of us online, may I suggest out 'whine and dine' menu."

"Some advice please... How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

'I'm very impressed with your new butler, Charles. He carries himself well.' (A butler carrying himself in the air).

'And this one's for humor in the line of duty.'

"Doctor! This is not the time for the 'pull my finger' gag!"

"If you're going to the bank, would you bring me something?"

Do you have anyone whose bark is worse than their bite?

10 Items or Less. Express Only. Don't worry --- I plan to pay for them ten at a time.

Diet Tip No. 14325: Take Time to enjoy your food

"How do you pay for all your carry-ons?"