Jovial Diner Gifts

"For those planning to post a nit-picking, fault-finding critique of us online, may I suggest out 'whine and dine' menu."

'You may well have eaten fresher fish before but not in this restaurant. . .'

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

"You're going to regret this in the morning."

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

'Your smile came in a distant third.'

"Don't worry, I won't hold my age against you."

'The chef wants to know if you mind having the dessert tomorrow...'

Advertising Agency - "...Fooling some of the people all of the time is damn hard work."

"I'm Walter Grimes and I approve this drink."

"Growing old is not the problem... it's not being rich that's the problem."

"What was Santa thinking calling me Dancer? I think I have two left feet..."

'These are my dieting glasses. They magnify the food so I think I'm eating more than I really am.'

"No raise, but the boss did give me a 'God Boy' and a treat."

"My compliments to whoever opened the can."

'You said we can grow our own food. So, where's the hot dog seeds.'

"Wait a minute, that's my bar code" Product Identity Theft

'I like to give them a sporting chance.'

'A table near the wine steward, please.'

'In the event you suffer from Montezuma's Revenge, there's a TV in every bathroom.'

'I have to go on a diet. Evidently the best things in life aren't fat free!!'

Do you know what girls want?

"I brake for milk & cookies"

hoovering husband

Man with Balloon

"If you're going to the bank, would you bring me something?"

Diet Tip No. 14325: Take Time to enjoy your food

'I can't explain it, but somehow, when I walk past here, I feel strangely insecure.'

"Time to blow out the candles. Take a deep breath....Ok. Let's try something easier. Take a shallow, raspy breath."