Jovial Dieter Gifts

'I have to go on a diet. Evidently the best things in life aren't fat free!!'

Diet Tip No. 14325: Take Time to enjoy your food

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

"The trees are laughing at us."

"These meetings bring out my creative side. How's this for the boss?"

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

Clown Wedding with Rake

'Chocolate never tasted so good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.'

"I was all set to go to the gym, but you'd be amazed how much, yoga class and pour-a-glass, sound alike."

Complaints Desk

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

'You may well have eaten fresher fish before but not in this restaurant. . .'

Death Photobombs a Holiday

Family doing circus trick heading to the circus.

'Rex here, is just like one of the family.'

'My client stands before you, a jury of his whittling peers ...'

You know what I like about our meetings? There's always more finger pulling than pointing.

'I'm not as think as you drunk I am.'

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

"I think my fat has GPS. Every time I lose some, it always finds its way back home."

How Wafer-Thin Mints Stay Thin.

"I'm doing better. The voices in my head can now access my email."

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

"Growing old is not the problem... it's not being rich that's the problem."

"And now for the 'piece de resistance!'"

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

"Look - the FIRST EVER picture of a black hole!! What do you think?"

'As I feared, the X-ray shows that you are crying inside.'

'Let's try again but NO laughing this time!'

"No raise, but the boss did give me a 'God Boy' and a treat."

'Listen, pal, Happy Hour was over ten minutes ago.'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Racing - No. II - IV

"That's the secret to a happy marriage. We both love the same things."

'My opinion, right or wrong!'