Jovial Dieter Pillows

'I have to go on a diet. Evidently the best things in life aren't fat free!!'

Diet Tip No. 14325: Take Time to enjoy your food

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

"The trees are laughing at us."

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

"These meetings bring out my creative side. How's this for the boss?"

Clown Wedding with Rake

'Chocolate never tasted so good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.'

'You may well have eaten fresher fish before but not in this restaurant. . .'

Complaints Desk

"I was all set to go to the gym, but you'd be amazed how much, yoga class and pour-a-glass, sound alike."

'Rex here, is just like one of the family.'

Family doing circus trick heading to the circus.

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

Death Photobombs a Holiday

'I'm not as think as you drunk I am.'

You know what I like about our meetings? There's always more finger pulling than pointing.

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

'My client stands before you, a jury of his whittling peers ...'

"I think my fat has GPS. Every time I lose some, it always finds its way back home."

"Growing old is not the problem... it's not being rich that's the problem."

"I'm doing better. The voices in my head can now access my email."

"Look - the FIRST EVER picture of a black hole!! What do you think?"

How Wafer-Thin Mints Stay Thin.

"And now for the 'piece de resistance!'"

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

'As I feared, the X-ray shows that you are crying inside.'

'Let's try again but NO laughing this time!'

'Listen, pal, Happy Hour was over ten minutes ago.'

"No raise, but the boss did give me a 'God Boy' and a treat."

'My opinion, right or wrong!'

"That's the secret to a happy marriage. We both love the same things."

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Racing - No. II - IV