Jovial Diner Pillows

"For those planning to post a nit-picking, fault-finding critique of us online, may I suggest out 'whine and dine' menu."

'You may well have eaten fresher fish before but not in this restaurant. . .'

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

"You're going to regret this in the morning."

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

'Your smile came in a distant third.'

"Don't worry, I won't hold my age against you."

'The chef wants to know if you mind having the dessert tomorrow...'

Advertising Agency - "...Fooling some of the people all of the time is damn hard work."

"I'm Walter Grimes and I approve this drink."

"Growing old is not the problem... it's not being rich that's the problem."

"What was Santa thinking calling me Dancer? I think I have two left feet..."

'These are my dieting glasses. They magnify the food so I think I'm eating more than I really am.'

"No raise, but the boss did give me a 'God Boy' and a treat."

"My compliments to whoever opened the can."

'You said we can grow our own food. So, where's the hot dog seeds.'

"Wait a minute, that's my bar code" Product Identity Theft

'I like to give them a sporting chance.'

'A table near the wine steward, please.'

'In the event you suffer from Montezuma's Revenge, there's a TV in every bathroom.'

'I have to go on a diet. Evidently the best things in life aren't fat free!!'

Do you know what girls want?

"I brake for milk & cookies"

hoovering husband

Man with Balloon

'And this one's for humor in the line of duty.'

"What if Santa's wrong, Rudolph? What if it is an infection?"

"If you're going to the bank, would you bring me something?"

10 Items or Less. Express Only. Don't worry --- I plan to pay for them ten at a time.

Diet Tip No. 14325: Take Time to enjoy your food

'I can't explain it, but somehow, when I walk past here, I feel strangely insecure.'

"Time to blow out the candles. Take a deep breath....Ok. Let's try something easier. Take a shallow, raspy breath."