Jovial General Pillows

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

Complaints Desk

Family doing circus trick heading to the circus.

Death Photobombs a Holiday

'You may well have eaten fresher fish before but not in this restaurant. . .'

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

"Don't worry, I won't hold my age against you."

'I'm not as think as you drunk I am.'

"What the... an apple?! Hey, I can make schnapps out of it and if you've had plenty of it, gravity pulls you to the ground!"

'Your smile came in a distant third.'

"I'm Walter Grimes and I approve this drink."

"Growing old is not the problem... it's not being rich that's the problem."

"Look - the FIRST EVER picture of a black hole!! What do you think?"

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

"What a listener. My burden feels lighter already."

'You said we can grow our own food. So, where's the hot dog seeds.'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Racing - No. II - IV

"No raise, but the boss did give me a 'God Boy' and a treat."

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Hunting - No. III

'Every year was the same. There was always some clown or comedian in Brian's intake of pupils.'

Mooning Moon

"Watkins would like to know if he can leave a few minutes early...he claims he's dying."

"Oh my....Look how much you've grown."

'A table near the wine steward, please.'

'Apparently he does 20 yards to the pint.'

Ad agency

'Rudolf?'

To an observer approaching the speed of light, Einstein and his surroundings appear to be tall and thin.

'Wizzo Wotsits - how can I help you? Just putting you through to customer services. . .'

"Ted wants to bring the fan back into accounting"

'Oops! I should've gone to the bathroom before I came.'

Men discussing thier weight