Jovial Gardener Pillows

'You said we can grow our own food. So, where's the hot dog seeds.'

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

"Relax. They're just crows."

Complaints Desk

Death Photobombs a Holiday

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

Family doing circus trick heading to the circus.

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

'I'm not as think as you drunk I am.'

'My client stands before you, a jury of his whittling peers ...'

'The chef wants to know if you mind having the dessert tomorrow...'

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

"Growing old is not the problem... it's not being rich that's the problem."

"Look - the FIRST EVER picture of a black hole!! What do you think?"

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

"My compliments to whoever opened the can."

"It's my week to be responsible for the class plant."

'Every year was the same. There was always some clown or comedian in Brian's intake of pupils.'

"Oh my....Look how much you've grown."

'Apparently he does 20 yards to the pint.'

'You have a 24-hour virus? Sorry, sir -- we just work an 8-hour day here.'

'In the event you suffer from Montezuma's Revenge, there's a TV in every bathroom.'

'Say when.'

Do you know what girls want?

'Rudolf?'

Ad agency

'Wizzo Wotsits - how can I help you? Just putting you through to customer services. . .'

hoovering husband

'Oops! I should've gone to the bathroom before I came.'

"Ted wants to bring the fan back into accounting"

Planting Joy