Jovial Pensioner Pillows

'I can't explain it, but somehow, when I walk past here, I feel strangely insecure.'

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

Complaints Desk

Death Photobombs a Holiday

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

'My client stands before you, a jury of his whittling peers ...'

'I'm not as think as you drunk I am.'

"What the... an apple?! Hey, I can make schnapps out of it and if you've had plenty of it, gravity pulls you to the ground!"

Celebration in operating theatre.

Your dad is a union man, isn't he?

"Growing old is not the problem... it's not being rich that's the problem."

"Look - the FIRST EVER picture of a black hole!! What do you think?"

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

The walking frame for the mobile immobile.

"Look, Honey! No teeth!"

"It's important to learn numbers. Then you can have a pin number and get money from ATMs."

"No raise, but the boss did give me a 'God Boy' and a treat."

'You said we can grow our own food. So, where's the hot dog seeds.'

"Oh my....Look how much you've grown."

'You don't need to worry about your records being sold to the highest bidder...they'll bugger it and sell them off cheap!'

"At our age I figure we only have two taste buds left. One for vodka and one for wine."

'Every year was the same. There was always some clown or comedian in Brian's intake of pupils.'

Going Shopping Together.

'Apparently he does 20 yards to the pint.'

Ad agency

Enthusiastic man

hoovering husband

'Rudolf?'

Men discussing thier weight

'Wizzo Wotsits - how can I help you? Just putting you through to customer services. . .'

'Second childhood menu, please!'

'Oops! I should've gone to the bathroom before I came.'

Why did you think the prenup lawyer gave me such a good deal?