Jovial Pensioner Gifts

'I can't explain it, but somehow, when I walk past here, I feel strangely insecure.'

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

Complaints Desk

Death Photobombs a Holiday

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

Celebration in operating theatre.

'My client stands before you, a jury of his whittling peers ...'

'I'm not as think as you drunk I am.'

"What the... an apple?! Hey, I can make schnapps out of it and if you've had plenty of it, gravity pulls you to the ground!"

Your dad is a union man, isn't he?

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

"Look - the FIRST EVER picture of a black hole!! What do you think?"

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

"Growing old is not the problem... it's not being rich that's the problem."

The walking frame for the mobile immobile.

"It's important to learn numbers. Then you can have a pin number and get money from ATMs."

"Look, Honey! No teeth!"

'You said we can grow our own food. So, where's the hot dog seeds.'

"No raise, but the boss did give me a 'God Boy' and a treat."

"At our age I figure we only have two taste buds left. One for vodka and one for wine."

Going Shopping Together.

'You don't need to worry about your records being sold to the highest bidder...they'll bugger it and sell them off cheap!'

'Every year was the same. There was always some clown or comedian in Brian's intake of pupils.'

"Oh my....Look how much you've grown."

'Apparently he does 20 yards to the pint.'

Enthusiastic man

Ad agency

'Rudolf?'

'Wizzo Wotsits - how can I help you? Just putting you through to customer services. . .'

hoovering husband

'Oops! I should've gone to the bathroom before I came.'

Men discussing thier weight

'Second childhood menu, please!'