Jovial General T-Shirts

'And this one's for humor in the line of duty.'

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

'You may well have eaten fresher fish before but not in this restaurant. . .'

Complaints Desk

Death Photobombs a Holiday

Family doing circus trick heading to the circus.

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

'I'm not as think as you drunk I am.'

'Your smile came in a distant third.'

"What the... an apple?! Hey, I can make schnapps out of it and if you've had plenty of it, gravity pulls you to the ground!"

"Don't worry, I won't hold my age against you."

"I'm Walter Grimes and I approve this drink."

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

"Growing old is not the problem... it's not being rich that's the problem."

"Look - the FIRST EVER picture of a black hole!! What do you think?"

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

"What a listener. My burden feels lighter already."

"No raise, but the boss did give me a 'God Boy' and a treat."

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Racing - No. II - IV

'You said we can grow our own food. So, where's the hot dog seeds.'

'A table near the wine steward, please.'

Mooning Moon

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Hunting - No. III

"Watkins would like to know if he can leave a few minutes early...he claims he's dying."

'Every year was the same. There was always some clown or comedian in Brian's intake of pupils.'

"Oh my....Look how much you've grown."

'Apparently he does 20 yards to the pint.'

'Rudolf?'

Ad agency

'Wizzo Wotsits - how can I help you? Just putting you through to customer services. . .'

'Oops! I should've gone to the bathroom before I came.'

To an observer approaching the speed of light, Einstein and his surroundings appear to be tall and thin.

"Ted wants to bring the fan back into accounting"