Job-related Conference Gifts

'Let's take the stairs.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

Inclusive speech

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

"I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I was the loudest."

The interested bystanders.

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

"Is it just a scary coincidence that the words 'changes' and 'unknown' both have 7 letters?"

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

Businessman in suit on beach with financial report and eyes cut out viewing impending storm.

"He thought this would illustrate the company hierarchy more clearly than the organizational chart."

"As you can see, sales have been a little erratic lately..."

"I suggest we start with the low hanging fruit."

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

'We're looking for athletic people.'

"I love these off-site business meetings."

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

"I don't think the guy with the business-card cannon has ever been to an actual networking event,"

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

"I know we're not lions, but let's call ourselves a pride anyway."

"We serve danishes because that's just how I roll!"

I work for a not for profit business. Mind you, two years ago it was a 'for profit' business.

The Card Flinger