Conference Gifts

"I don't think the guy with the business-card cannon has ever been to an actual networking event,"

Man video conferencing - "Shall we all meet up after this?"

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

'Pick a business card.'

Wearing a sales chart as a name badge.

Inclusive speech

"....which brings me to number one: Thinking inside the box."

'Let me present today's speaker.'

Unintelligible speaker at Subway Announcers Dinner.

'Time management seminar. Start: five-ish.'

Annual Convention of Small Talkers.

'This is our real-time chat room.'

"I love these off-site business meetings."

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

"We serve danishes because that's just how I roll!"

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

"I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I was the loudest."

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

The interested bystanders.

"Mr Frimley will see you now."

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

"Is it just a scary coincidence that the words 'changes' and 'unknown' both have 7 letters?"

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

A business that thinks alike...sinks alike.

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"He thought this would illustrate the company hierarchy more clearly than the organizational chart."