Medical Conference Gifts

'How's the spleen?' 'The spleen? Where is it?' 'I never studied the spleen.' 'I was left back in my spleen class.' 'I failed spleen.' 'I thought we didn't have to know the spleen.'

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

'Come into the examination room. I want to practice.'

'And HERE they are Ladies and Gentlemen! PUT YOUR hands together for Kenderwell Hospital's NEW BREED of Microsurgeon!'

"Gross."

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

Inclusive speech

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I was the loudest."

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

The interested bystanders.

"Is it just a scary coincidence that the words 'changes' and 'unknown' both have 7 letters?"

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

A business that thinks alike...sinks alike.

"He thought this would illustrate the company hierarchy more clearly than the organizational chart."

"As you can see, sales have been a little erratic lately..."

"I understand the revisionists are hot on your trail, Professor Delauney."

"I suggest we start with the low hanging fruit."

"I love these off-site business meetings."

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

"I don't think the guy with the business-card cannon has ever been to an actual networking event,"

'Our goal is to stress di-versity while remaining a uni-versity.'

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'