Professional Conferences Gifts

'I believe in delegating nonprofessional duties. In my place the technicians sell the leashes and rubber bones!'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

Inclusive speech

"I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I was the loudest."

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

The interested bystanders.

"Is it just a scary coincidence that the words 'changes' and 'unknown' both have 7 letters?"

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

A business that thinks alike...sinks alike.

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"He thought this would illustrate the company hierarchy more clearly than the organizational chart."

"As you can see, sales have been a little erratic lately..."

"I suggest we start with the low hanging fruit."

"I understand the revisionists are hot on your trail, Professor Delauney."

"I love these off-site business meetings."

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

"I don't think the guy with the business-card cannon has ever been to an actual networking event,"

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

'Our goal is to stress di-versity while remaining a uni-versity.'

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

"I know we're not lions, but let's call ourselves a pride anyway."

"We serve danishes because that's just how I roll!"

I've been looking forward to this the whole year: It can get lonely out there...

"Gross."

I work for a not for profit business. Mind you, two years ago it was a 'for profit' business.

The Card Flinger