Professional Conference Gifts

Economic Conference.

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

"I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I was the loudest."

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

Inclusive speech

The interested bystanders.

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

"Is it just a scary coincidence that the words 'changes' and 'unknown' both have 7 letters?"

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"He thought this would illustrate the company hierarchy more clearly than the organizational chart."

"I understand the revisionists are hot on your trail, Professor Delauney."

"I suggest we start with the low hanging fruit."

"As you can see, sales have been a little erratic lately..."

"I love these off-site business meetings."

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

"I don't think the guy with the business-card cannon has ever been to an actual networking event,"

'Our goal is to stress di-versity while remaining a uni-versity.'

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

"We serve danishes because that's just how I roll!"

"I know we're not lions, but let's call ourselves a pride anyway."

"Gross."

I work for a not for profit business. Mind you, two years ago it was a 'for profit' business.

The Card Flinger