Business Conference Gifts

'I have identified 240 stages of organizational change. Before I discuss them, coffee anyone?'

PowerPointless Presentation

'That's it agreed then - the company's new motto is going to be 'We didn't do anything illegal'.'

"Enhanced branding metrics drive robust solutions for scalable monetization of jargon."

"Is it just a scary coincidence that the words 'changes' and 'unknown' both have 7 letters?"

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

The Card Flinger

'The SEC ate my report.'

"The short term solution is money and the long term solution more money."

"Since I am chairman, it behooves me to go first. 'What I Did Over My Summer Vacation,' by Wilson Rupert Hewes."

"It's our new corporate strategy. I'd get on board if I were you, Watkins."

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

It was a good chance to get together and talk shop.

Mission Impossible Statement: Grow Faster than the Speed of Light.

"I'm all for diversity in the boardroom, but I've got a bad feeling about this."

"He thought this would illustrate the company hierarchy more clearly than the organizational chart."

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

Change Management: Change can be ruf.

"It's been unanimously decided that we don't like this table. Could you show us another model?"

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Before we conclude this meeting, is there anyone who needs to finish sucking up to me?"

"'Start a company, make money.' Your business plan may be missing a few steps in the middle."

"Quick, let's make the decision before everyone else shows up!"

"The Board just wants to be sure you're well supported."

"I want to learn how to talk the talk."

Punch and Judy Sales Conference

"I suggest we start with the low hanging fruit."

"As you can see, sales have been a little erratic lately..."

'I saw it as a networking opportunity.'

"I think I see the problem."

"I know we're not lions, but let's call ourselves a pride anyway."

"Sir, your greed is showing."

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'