Managerial Conference Gifts

Management Seminar: "Put simply, good management is getting other people to do the jobs you don't like."

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

"We're experienced an extraordinary amount of growth this year."

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

Bo're'droom

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

"Ok, do we agree the minutes of the last meeting?"

"Who's got the hammer?"

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I was the loudest."

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

Inclusive speech

'Mr. Dawson, about when I said 'don't pull any punches'...'

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

Lethal Presentation

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

'The sunglasses idea would have worked if you hadn't started snoring.'

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

It would be a painful forty five minutes before Arthur finally admitted he left his presentation at home.

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

The interested bystanders.

"My report to the board was perfect. They did not understand a word of it and now think I'm smarter than them."

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

"Is it just a scary coincidence that the words 'changes' and 'unknown' both have 7 letters?"

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'